My Journal Entries, or More Hydrocodone, Hydromorphone & Skelaxin, Please!

A one-track mind
You don't have to read each word. Just take a moment and glance at it as you scroll from the top to the bottom.

I'm sure when my mom gave me the journal for me to use during recovery, she probably thought I would use it to write about my thoughts and feelings or any events during that time.

But, as I’ve mentioned before, everything I did was just something to occupy time until my next pill, my next nap or that day when I wouldn’t feel so miserable anymore. Because of all the pills, my brain wouldn't concentrate enough to read or write anything substantial.

With that in mind, here are my journal entries. Notes in brackets & italicized are from me now, not from my journal. Also, I did not change the (mis)spelling or abbreviations that I used in my journal:

Monday at home
[Note: my first day or two at home, I totally over medicated, which I so do NOT recommend. It’s dangerous. At one point, I called my mom to come home from work because I thought I was OD’ing. I had misread the labels on my pills and took too many. It was scary. But it was additionally scary to think that I wasn’t supposed to have all of those pills because I thought that I needed them.]

8:30 p.m.- 2 Dilaudid [aka hyromorphone]
1 spasm [this means a spasm pill- Skelaxin. OMG spasms are the worst pain I’ve ever felt, and I never want to feel them again. I’ll detail them in another post.]
9 p.m.- 2 stool softners
11 p.m.- arm pull [I freaked out because I accidentally in my sleep stretched my arm above my head and was convinced I had broken my back. I was a little paranoid, & my OT had stressed the importance to me of not raising my arms up.]

Tuesday
12:15 a.m.- 2 hydrocodone
2:30 a.m.- 1 Dialdin
4 a.m.- 1 Diladin
6 a.m.- 1 spasm pill [mom wrote some of these notes, including this one, as I couldn’t concentrate some times.]
6:25 a.m.- 2 hydrocodone
8:30- 2 Diladin
10:30/10:40- 2 hydrocodine
12:30 p.m. 2 Diladid

*Modern Living Ethan Allen [no clue why I wrote this]
*Bactroban cream?

2 p.m.- spasm pill
2:30 p.m.-2 Hydrocodine
5:00- 1 Dilaudid [mom wrote this]
6:30- 1 Spasm pill [mom wrote this]
8 p.m.- Hydrocodine
9:30 p.m.- Dilaudid

NIGHT Tuesday to Wednesday
9:30- Dilaudid
11:30- Hydrocodine
2:30- Dilaudid
5 a.m.-Hydrocodine & spasm
7 a.m.- Dilaudid
9 a.m.- Hydrocodine
11 a.m.-Dilaudid & Spasm
1 p.m.-hydrocodine
3 p.m.- Dilaudid
5 p.m.-hydrocodine/spasm

[the following are some notes from when I called the doctor’s office crying to talk to my patent coordinator about dealing with the pain:]

Not uncommon
but does get better
I don’t think I’m hurting like that before

Every 6 hours- Skelaxin
If needed, we’ll add valium

no heat, severed nerves

heating pad w/a timer
or hot water bottle
or dry beans in microwave in pillowcase and heat up

ice is ok, too

need barrier- towel, sheet, pillowcase

1st thing in morning- heat for 20 minutes—increases inflammation

throughout the day—put ice on 10 to 20 minutes
take off
put on

gel packs are best

walking is No. 1 best thing for me
strengthens core muscles

but body will tell me when it’s been overdone it

don’t stop painkillers [Really? She didn’t need to say this to me. You couldn't have paid me to stop. :)]

take over steri-strips as they dissolve [I must have asked her about wound care]

look for new or worsening redness, heat or fluid

can e-mail pics varying angles and lighting

pad it with a towel

7 p.m.- Dilaudid
9 p.m.-Hydrocodine
12 a.m.-Dilaudid and sapasm
2 a.m.-Hydrocodine
4 a.m.-Dilaudid
6 a.m.- Hydrocodone and spasm
8 a.m.-Dilaudid
10 a.m.-Hydrocodone
12 p.m.-Dilaudid/Spasm

• Lap desk [I think I’m writing things I wanted]
• markers
• Sally/Kels [maybe they were coming to visit?]
• oatmeal
• June 6 8 p.m. [must have been thinking about Carra’s at-that-time upcoming wedding] Nanny’s backyard 60 people

2 p.m.- hydrocodone
4 p.m.-Dilaudid
6 p.m.-hydrocodine/spasm
8:00 p.m.- diluadid
10:00 p.m.- hydrocodine
12 a.m.- dilaudid/spasm
2 a.m.- hydrocodine
5 a.m.-dilaudid
6 a.m.-spasm

Friday
7 a.m.-hydrocodone
9 a.m.-dilaudid
11 a.m.-hydrocodone
12 p.m.-spasm
1 p.m.-dilaudid
3 p.m.-hydrocodone
5 p.m.-dilaudid
6 p.m.-spasm
7 p.m.-hydrocodone
9 p.m.-dilaudid
12 a.m.-hydrocodone & spasm
2 a.m.-dilaudid
4 a.m.-hydrocodine
6:20 a.m.-dilaudid/spasm
8:10 a.m.-hydrocodone
10:10 a.m.-dilaudid
12 p.m.-hydrocodane/spasm
2 p.m.-dilaudid
4 p.m.-hydrocodone
6 p.m.-dilaudid/spasm
8 p.m.-hydrocodone
10 p.m.-dilaudid
12:20 p.m.-hydrocodone/spasm
2:10-dilaudid
4 a.m.-hydrocodone
6:15a.m.-dilaudid/spasm
8:15 hydrocodone
10:20 a.m. dilaudid
12:10 p.m. hydrocodone/spasm
2:10 p.m. dilaudid
4:10 p.m. hydrocodone
6:20 p.m.-dilaudid/spasm
8;10 p.m.-hydrocodone
10 p.m. dilaudid
1 a.m.-spasm hydrocodone
3 a.m.- dilaudid
5 a.m.-hydrocodone
7 a.m.-dilaudid & spasm
9 a.m.-hydrocodone
11 a.m.-dilaudid
1 p.m.-hydrocodone/spasm
3 p.m.-dilaudid
5:20 p.m.-hydrocodone
7:10 p.m.-spasm/dilaudid
9 p.m.-hydrocodone
11:40- dilaudid
2:20-hydrocodone/spasm

Tue 27th
4:10 a.m.-dilaudid
6:15 a.m.-hydrocodone
8:10 a.m.- spasm/dilaudid
10:05 a.m.- hydrocodone
12 p.m.-dilaudid
6 p.m.-hydrocodone
8 p.m.-dilaudid/spasm
10 p.m.-hydrocodone
12:30 a.m.-dilaudid
2:15 a.m.-hydrocodone/spasm
4:15 a.m.-dilaudid
6:15 a.m.-hydrocodone
8:10 a.m.-dilaudid/spasm
10:05 a.m.-hydrocodone
12:20 p.m.-dilaudid
2:15 p.m.-hydrocodone/spasm
4:10 p.m.-dilaudid
6:05 p.m.-hydrocodone
8 p.m.-dilaudid/spasm
10:15 p.m.-hydrocodone
1:30 a.m.-dilaudid
2:30 a.m.-spasm
5 a.m.-hydrocodone
7 a.m.-dilaudid
9:15 a.m.-spasm/hydrocodone
11:15- hydrocodone
1:50 p.m.-dilaudid
4:15 p.m.- spasm/hydrocodone
6:30- dilaudid
8:15-hydrocodone
10 p.m.-spasm/dilaudid
12 a.m.-hydrocodone

Friday
2 a.m.-dilaudid
4 a.m.-spasm/hydrocoodine

Friday 1-30-09
6 a.m.-dilaudid
8 a.m.-hydrocodone
10 a.m.-spasm
2 p.m. dilaudid
4:10 p.m. spasm/hydrocodone
6 p.m.-Dilaudid
8:30 p.m.-Hydrocodone
10:15- spasm
12-hydrocodone
2 a.m.-dilaudid

Saturday
4:15 a.m.-spasm/hydrocodone
6:10-dilaudid
8:05 a.m.-hydrocodone
10 a.m.-spasm
12 p.m.-hydrocodone
2:20 p.m.-Dilaudid
*3 p.m.—itchy! [This is one of the annoying parts of recovery. My back would itch like it has never itched before. This was a little because of the pain meds, but also because of all the severed nerves in my back trying to reconnect. It felt like the itchiness was layers and layers underneath my skin, and I could never scratch hard or deep enough to satisfy it. My friends and family who were around me at this time can testify to that. I would have them scratch my back for me, since I couldn’t reach everywhere on my back and was worried I would hurt my incision. The nerves can take about a year to fully reconnect, so, while it was the worst in the beginning, I still would get itchy months and months later.]
4:15 p.m.-spasm/hydrocodone
6:30 p.m.-dilaudid
8:20 p.m.-hydrocodone
10:15 p.m.-spasm
12:10 p.m.-hydrocodone

Sunday
2:25 a.m.-dilaudid
4:36 a.m.-spasm/hydrocodone
6:30 a.m.-dilaudid
8:30 a.m.-hydrocodone
10:30 a.m.-spasm
12:30 p.m.-hydrocodone
3 p.m.-dilaudid
4:40 p.m.-spasm
5 p.m.-hydrocodone
7 p.m.-dilaudid
9:30 p.m.-hydrocodone
10:30 p.m.-spasm
11:20-hydrocodone
1:10 a.m.-dilaudid
3 p.m.-hydrocodone
5:25 a.m.-spasm/dilaudid

Test for Monday 2/2: [Here I tried to make a new schedule for pain meds and would place check marks each time I’d go through the entire cycle. The schedule involved me going through one of the following steps in this order every two hours. It was based on the number of times I could take each pill within a certain amount of time without exceeding my 24-hour limit.]
hydrocodone [5 check marks]
dilaudid [5 check marks]
spasm/hydrocodone [5 check marks]
dilaudid [5 check marks]
hydrocodone [5 check marks]
spasm [5 check marks]
hydrocodone [5 check marks]
dilaudid [4 check marks]
spasm/hydrocodone [4 check marks]
dilaudid [4 check marks]
hydrocodone [4 check marks]
spasm [4 check marks]

Tuesday 3rd
8:30 a.m.-hydrocodone
10:30 a.m.-dilaudid
1 p.m.-spasm/hydrocodone
2:50 p.m.-dilaudid
4:50 p.m.-hydrocodone
7:22 p.m.-spasm
9:15 p.m.-hydrocodone
11:15 p.m.-dilaudid
2:45 a.m.-spasm/hydrocodone
5:30-dilaudid
7:40-hydrocodone
9:45-spasm
11:50-hydrocodone
1:55-dilaudid
4:15-spasm/hydrocodone
6:10-dilaudid
8:50 p.m.-hydrocodone
10:55 p.m.-spasm
1:20 a.m.-hydrocodne
5 a.m.-dilaudid

Wednesday
7:30 a.m.-spasm/hydrocodone
9:55 a.m.-diluadid
12:15 p.m.-hydrocodone
2:10 p.m.-spasm
4:10 p.m.-hydrocodone
7:05-dilaudid
10:47 p.m.-spasm/hydrocodone

Thursday
4:43 a.m.-dilaudid
7:33 a.m.-hydrocodone
10:40 a.m.-spasm
1:00 p.m.-hydrocodone
3:00 p.m.-dilaudid
6 p.m.-spasm/hydrocodone
9 p.m.-dilaudid
1:25 a.m.-hydrocodone
5:30-spasm
8:30-hydrocodone

Friday
11:05 a.m.-dilaudid
4 p.m.-spasm/hydrocodone
7:40 p.m.-dilaudid
11 p.m.-hydrocodone
2:20 a.m.-spasm

Saturday
6:40 a.m.-hydrocodone
9:30 a.m.-dilaudid
12:40 p.m.-spasm/hydrocodone
4:25 p.m.-dilaudid
7:55 p.m.-hydrocodone
9 p.m.-spasm
11:40 p.m.-hydrocodone
4:10 a.m.-dilaudid
8:15 a.m.-spasm/hydrocodone
12:30 p.m.-dilaudid
4:50 p.m.-hydro & spasm
9:35 p.m.- hydrocodone
11:20 p.m.-spasm

Monday
2:45 a.m.-dilaudid
6:35 a.m.-hydrocodone
10:35 a.m.-dilaudid
2:50 p.m.-spasm
5:35 p.m.-hydrocodone
9:15 p.m.-dilaudid

Tuesday
2:42 a.m.-spasm/hydro
8:11 a.m.-dilaudid
1:05 p.m.- hydrocodone
3:05 p.m.-spasm
6:45 p.m.-hydrocodone

Wednesday
3:07 a.m.-hydrocodone
6:10 p.m.-hydrocodone

Thursday
3:45 a.m.-hydrocodone
8:47 a.m.-hydrocodone
5:36 p.m.-hydrocodone

Friday
5:25 a.m.-hydro
12:20 p.m.-hydro
5:30 p.m.-hydro

Saturday
5:11 p.m.-hydro

Sunday
2:50 p.m.-hydro
9:05 p.m.-spasm

Monday
2:25 p.m.-hydro
7:11 p.m.-hydro

Tuesday
9:20 p.m.-hydro

Wednesday
8:12 p.m.-hydro

Thursday
2:04 p.m.-hydro

Done. Kind of.
The journal ends here, Thursday, Feb. 18, 2009 — a little more than a month after my surgery. I did not stop taking pain pills at this point; I just stopped writing about it. By this point, I was able to use my brain a little more and could remember on my own if and when I needed a pill. The last time I took a pain pill was months ago. I took half of a hydrocodone when my back was killing me after working crazy hours for weeks straight. I still have some pills left over and only take if I really, really need it.

But, Man! Look at that list! That is a whole lotta pills. Sometimes I just look at these journal entries and remember not really events that happened when I was recovering, but how I really felt physically and how I used the pills and my scheduling of pills to help me pass the time I was in pain. It's really interesting to me to remember what my life was like during those months of recovery.